休閑長椅的“悲歌”
人生百味
作者：by Rick Garvia
A few years ago， Mrs. G and I decided that the perfect medium for relaxing at home in the summer would be a pair of wooden lawn chairs， or what the French call “chaise longues”.
I think they call them “chaise lounges”here， but the phrase doesn’t sit well with me. I may as well curl up on a “fainting couch” the next time I want to have a nap， or start calling raincoats “slickers.”
Every year， we wheel these chairs out from the garage and into the backyard in anticipation of the many relaxing moments that will be stolen out of otherwise 1）hectic days.
This year is no exception， but they’ve been parked on the lawn for about a month now， and nobody has sat on them. Not even once. The odd thing is that they look so inviting； the most comfortable thing in the world， actually （but I said that about those big rope 2）hammocks that hang between palm trees until I actually climbed into one）.
I should point out that these lawn chairs did not come with cushions， which didn’t make any sense at all because they need them. Mrs. G bought two really thick cushions and a couple of coordinating pillows from the 3）Barn of Pottery. I believe this ensemble cost more than the chairs， which we got online from the 4）Mart de Wal.
The first year we got the chairs， we rolled them out to a perfect spot under the shade of a majestic white pine， and dropped the cushions and pillows onto the naked 5）slats. Man， they looked good—like something one might see beside the infinity pool at George Clooney’s place.
I was ready and fully charged to do nothing. I got my book， I got myself an iced tea， and I was all prepared to do some five-star lounging.
The little drink tray was slid out from the bottom of the chair； the back angled into one of the four preset spots. This should have been amazing， but the instant I sat down the cushion and I went sliding halfway down the chair as if on rollers. I ended up flat on my back with my legs up in the air like a dead 6）June bug.
Well， this wasn’t comfortable. Not one bit. All that was missing from the scene was a pair of 7）stirrups， a bright light and a 8）gynecologist.
I went into the house， lifted the rug in the 9）foyer and chopped off a piece of the rubber that holds the rug in place. I placed the rubber between the cushion and the lawn chair， and—voila！—no more sliding.
As I sat there， I quickly realized that the angle I had chosen was not designed for anything with a spine， so I tried to adjust it. Full upright wasn’t good either， and the only other options were two degrees from perfectly flat or perfectly flat. I gave up reading and fell asleep. When I woke up about 15 minutes later， I wasn’t able to feel anything from my waist down.