And then, how would / do, back in the Borough with her at my side?
I heard, again, John''s laugh. I thought of Mrs Sucksby. Maud watched my face. I put the last pin to her hair, and then her net of velvet. I swallowed, and said,
''In your dream? I don''t think so, miss. Not me. I should say— I should say, Mr Rivers.'' I stepped to the window. ''Look, there he is! His cigarette almost smoked already. You will miss him, if you wait!''
We were awkward with each other, all that day. We walked, but we walked apart. She reached to take my arm, and I drew away. And when, that night, I had put her into her bed and stood letting down her curtains, I looked at the empty place beside her and said,
''The nights are grown so warm now, miss. Don''t you think you will sleep better on your own . . .?''
I went back to my narrow bed, with its sheets like pieces of pastry. I heard her turning, and sighing, all through the night; and I turned, and sighed, myself. I felt that thread that had come between us, tugging, tugging at my heart—so hard, it hurt me. A hundred times I almost rose, almost went in to her; a hundred times I thought, Go to her! Why are you waiting? Go back to her side! But every time, I thought of what would happen if I did. I knew that I couldn''t lie beside her, without wanting to touch her. I couldn''t