OF all the good attorneys who Have placed their names upon the roll,But few could equal BAINES CAREWFor tenderheartedness and soul.
Whene'er he heard a tale of woe From client A or client B,His grief would overcome him so He'd scarce have strength to take his fee.
It laid him up for many days,When duty led him to distrain,And serving writs,although it pays,Gave him excruciating pain.
He made out costs,distrained for rent,Foreclosed and sued,with moistened eye No bill of costs could represent The value of such sympathy.
No charges can approximate The worth of sympathy with woe;Although I think I ought to state He did his best to make them so.
Of all the many clients who Had mustered round his legal flag,No single client of the crew Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG.
Now,CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him to A heavy matrimonial yoke His wifey had of faults a few She never could resist a joke.
Her chaff at first he meekly bore,Till unendurable it grew.
"To stop this persecution sore I will consult my friend CAREW.
"And when CAREW'S advice I've got,Divorce A MENSA I shall try."
(A legal separation not A VINCULO CONJUGII.)"Oh,BAINES CAREW,my woe I've kept A secret hitherto,you know;"(And BAINES CAREW,ESQUIRE,he wept To hear that BAGG HAD any woe.)"My case,indeed,is passing sad.
My wife whom I considered true With brutal conduct drives me mad."
"I am appalled,"said BAINES CAREW.
"What!sound the matrimonial knell Of worthy people such as these!
Why was I an attorney?Well Go on to the SAEVITIA,please."
"Domestic bliss has proved my bane,