"'I know all your uncle would say to me;he is not better informed than my own conscience.Conscience is the interpreter of God to man.Iknow that if I am not reconciled to Octave,I shall be damned;that is the sentence of religious law.Civil law condemns me to obey,cost what it may.If my husband does not reject me,the world will regard me as pure,as virtuous,whatever I may have done.Yes,that much is sublime in marriage;society ratifies the husband's forgiveness;but it forgets that the forgiveness must be accepted.Legally,religiously,and from the world's point of view I ought to go back to Octave.Keeping only to the human aspect of the question,is it not cruel to refuse him happiness,to deprive him of children,to wipe his name out of the Golden Book and the list of peers?My sufferings,my repugnance,my feelings,all my egoism--for I know that I am an egoist --ought to be sacrificed to the family.I shall be a mother;the caresses of my child will wipe away many tears!I shall be very happy;I certainly shall be much looked up to.I shall ride,haughty and wealthy,in a handsome carriage!I shall have servants and a fine house,and be the queen of as many parties as there are weeks in the year.The world will receive me handsomely.I shall not have to climb up again to the heaven of aristocracy,I shall never have come down from it.So God,the law,society are all in accord.
"'"What are you rebelling against?"I am asked from the height of heaven,from the pulpit,from the judge's bench,and from the throne,whose august intervention may at need be invoked by the Count.Your uncle,indeed,at need,would speak to me of a certain celestial grace which will flood my heart when I know the pleasure of doing my duty.
"'God,the law,the world,and Octave all wish me to live,no doubt.
Well,if there is no other difficulty,my reply cuts the knot:I will not live.I will become white and innocent again;for I will lie in my shroud,white with the blameless pallor of death.This is not in the least "mulish obstinacy."That mulish obstinacy of which you jestingly accused me is in a woman the result of confidence,of a vision of the future.Though my husband,sublimely generous,may forget all,I shall not forget.Does forgetfulness depend on our will?When a widow re-marries,love makes a girl of her;she marries a man she loves.But I cannot love the Count.It all lies in that,do not you see?