"Intoxicated with my glory and success, I forgot too soon my youth and my sheep, and this forgetfulness ruined me.I was called to attend a cavalry officer retired from service.He had a daughter named Pauline; she was beautiful and charming.I thought myself insensible to love, but I had hardly seen her before I conceived a violent passion for her.Bear in mind that I had lived until that time as pure as an ascetic monk; science had been my adored and lofty mistress.When passion fires a chaste heart, it becomes a fury there.I loved Pauline with frenzy, with idolatry.One day she gave me to understand that my folly did not displease her.Ideclared myself to her father, obtained his consent, and felt as if I should die of happiness.The next day I sought Count Kostia, and telling him my story, supplicated him to emancipate me.He laughed, and declared such an extravagant idea was unworthy of me.
Marriage was not what I required.A wife, children, useless encumbrances in my life! Petty delights and domestic cares would extinguish the fire of my genius, would kill in me the spirit of research and vigor of thought.Besides, was my passion serious?
From what he knew of my disposition, I was incapable of loving.It was a fantastic trick which my imagination had played me.Only remain a week without seeing Pauline, and I would be cured.My only answer was to throw myself at his feet.I glued my mouth to his hands, watered his knees with my tears, and kissed the ground before him.He laughed throughout, and asked me with a sneer, if to possess Pauline it were necessary to marry her.My love was an adoration.At these insulting words anger took possession of me.
I poured forth imprecations and threats.Presently, however, recovering myself, I begged him to forgive my transports, and resuming the language of servile humility, I endeavored to soften that heart of bronze with my tears.Trouble lost; he remained inflexible.I rolled upon the floor and tore my hair; and he still laughed-- That must have been a curious scene.Recollect that at this epoch I was quite recherche in my costume.I had an embroidered frill and very fine ruffles of point d'Alencon.I wore rings on every finger, and my coat was of the latest style and of elegant cut.Fancy, also, that my deportment, my gait, my air breathed of pride and arrogance.Parvenus try it in vain, they always betray themselves.I had a high tone, an overbearing manner.I enveloped myself in mysterious darkness, which obscured at times the brightness of my genius, and as I had accomplished several extraordinary cures, strongly resembling miracles, or tricks of sorcery, my airs of an inspired priest did not seem out of place, and I had devotees who encouraged these licenses of my pride by the excess of their humility.And then, behold, suddenly, this man of importance, this miraculous personage, flat upon his face, imploring the mercy of an inexorable master, writhing like a worm of the earth under the foot which crushed his heart! At last Kostia Petrovitch lost patience, seized me in his powerful hands, set me upon my feet, and pushing me violently against the wall, cried in a voice of thunder, 'Vladimir Paulitch, spare me your effeminate contortions, and remember who I am and who you are.One day I saw an ugly piece of charcoal in the road.I picked it up at the risk of soiling my fingers, and, as I am something of a chemist, I put it in my crucible and converted it into a diamond.