How we ate that dinner I have no idea.In the common way I am a person particularly prone to enjoy the long luxuriance of the club dinner.But on this occasion it seemed a hopeless and endless string of courses.Hors-d'oeuvre sardines seemed as big as herrings, soup seemed a sort of ocean, larks were ducks, ducks were ostriches until that dinner was over.The cheese course was maddening.I had often heard of the moon being made of green cheese.That night I thought the green cheese was made of the moon.And all the time Basil Grant went on laughing and eating and drinking, and never threw one glance at us to tell us why he was there, the king of these capering idiots.
At last came the moment which I knew must in some way enlighten us, the time of the club speeches and the club toasts.Basil Grant rose to his feet amid a surge of songs and cheers.
"Gentlemen," he said, "it is a custom in this society that the president for the year opens the proceedings not by any general toast of sentiment, but by calling upon each member to give a brief account of his trade.We then drink to that calling and to all who follow it.It is my business, as the senior member, to open by stating my claim to membership of this club.Years ago, gentlemen, I was a judge; I did my best in that capacity to do justice and to administer the law.But it gradually dawned on me that in my work, as it was, I was not touching even the fringe of justice.I was seated in the seat of the mighty, I was robed in scarlet and ermine; nevertheless, I held a small and lowly and futile post.Ihad to go by a mean rule as much as a postman, and my red and gold was worth no more than his.Daily there passed before me taut and passionate problems, the stringency of which I had to pretend to relieve by silly imprisonments or silly damages, while I knew all the time, by the light of my living common sense, that they would have been far better relieved by a kiss or a thrashing, or a few words of explanation, or a duel, or a tour in the West Highlands.