He tried to imagine himself lecturing, canvassing for books or insurance policies, writing for newspapers--and remained frightened.But suddenly one day it occurred to him that these qualms and forebodings were sheer folly.
Was not Celia rich? Would she not with lightning swiftness draw forth that check-book, like the flashing sword of a champion from its scabbard, and run to his relief? Why, of course.
It was absurd not to have thought of that before.
He recalled her momentary anger with him, that afternoon in the woods, when he had cried out that discovery would mean ruin to him.He saw clearly enough now that she had been grieved at his want of faith in her protection.
In his flurry of fright, he had lost sight of the fact that, if exposure and trouble came to him, she would naturally feel that she had been the cause of his martyrdom.
It was plain enough now.If he got into hot water, it would be solely on account of his having been seen with her.He had walked into the woods with her--"the further the better" had been her own words--out of pure kindliness, and the desire to lead her away from the scene of her brother's and her own humiliation.
But why amplify arguments? Her own warm heart would tell her, on the instant, how he had been sacrificed for her sake, and would bring her, eager and devoted, to his succor.
That was all right, then.Slowly, from this point, suggestions expanded themselves.The future could be, if he willed it, one long serene triumph of love, and lofty intellectual companionship, and existence softened and enriched at every point by all that wealth could command, and the most exquisite tastes suggest.
Should he will it! Ah! the question answered itself.
But he could not enter upon this beckoning heaven of a future until he had freed himself.When Celia said to him, "Come!" he must not be in the position to reply, "I should like to, but unfortunately I am tied by the leg."He should have to leave Octavius, leave the ministry, leave everything.He could not begin too soon to face these contingencies.