“Quite possible, no doubt.”
“And then this method that you say exists – of preserving youth and so on. What is it? You say it’s a sort of drug – well, I want to know what drug? Have you ever seen it or tried it? Did anyone ever give you any positive facts about the thing at all?”
“Not in detail, I admit.”
“And you never asked for details? It didn’t strike you that such a story needed any confirmation at all? You just swallowed it whole?” Pressing his advantage, he continued: “How much do you actually know of this place, apart from what you’ve been told? You’ve seen a few old men – that’s all it amounts to. Apart from that, we can only say that the place is well fitted up, and seems to be run on rather highbrow lines. How and why it came into existence we’ve no idea, and why they want to keep us here, if they do, is equally a mystery, but surely all that’s hardly an excuse for believing any old legend that comes along! After all, man, you’re a critical sort of person – you’d hesitate to believe all you were told even in an English monastery – I really can’t see why you should jump at everything just because you’re in Tibet!”
Conway nodded. Even in the midst of far keener perceptions he could not restrain approval of a point well made. “That’s an acute remark, Mallinson. I suppose the truth is that when it comes to believing things without actual evidence, we all incline to what we find most attractive.”
“Well, I’m dashed if I can see anything attractive about living till you’re half-dead. Give me a short life and a gay one, for choice. And this stuff about a future war – it all sounds pretty thin to me. How does anyone know when the next war’s going to be or what it’ll be like? Weren’t all the prophets wrong about the last war?” He added, when Conway did not reply: “Anyhow, I don’t believe in saying things are inevitable. And even if they were, there’s no need to get into a funk about them. Heaven knows I’d most likely be scared stiff if I had to fight in a war, but I’d rather face up to it than bury myself here.”
Conway smiled. “Mallinson, you have a superb knack of misunderstanding me. When we were at Baskul you thought I was a hero – now you take me for a coward. In point of fact, I’m neither – though of course it doesn’t matter. When you get back to India you can tell people, if you like, that I decided to stay in a Tibetan monastery because I was afraid there’d be another war. It isn’t my reason at all, but I’ve no doubt it’ll be believed by the people who already think me mad.”
Mallinson answered rather sadly: “It’s silly, you know, to talk like that. Whatever happens, I’d never say a word against you. You can count on that. I don’t understand you – I admit that – but – but – I wish I did. Oh, I wish I did. Conway, can’t I possibly help you? Isn’t there anything I can say or do?”
There was a long silence after that, which Conway broke at last by saying: “There’s just a question I’d like to ask – if you’ll forgive me for being terribly personal.”
“Yes?”
“Are you in love with Lo-Tsen?”
The youth’s pallor changed quickly to a flush. “I dare say I am. I know you’ll say it’s absurd and unthinkable, and probably it is, but I can’t help my feelings.”
“I don’t think it’s absurd at all.”
The argument seemed to have sailed into a harbor after many buffetings, and Conway added: “I can’t help my feelings either. You and that girl happen to be the two people in the world I care most about… though you may think it odd of me.” Abruptly he got up and paced the room. “We’ve said all we can say, haven’t we?”
“Yes, I suppose we have.” But Mallinson went on, in a sudden rush of eagerness. “Oh, what stupid nonsense it all is – about her not being young! And foul and horrible nonsense, too. Conway, you can’t believe it! It’s just too ridiculous. How can it really mean anything?”
“How can you really know that she’s young?”
Mallinson half-turned away, his face lit with a grave shyness. “Because I do know… Perhaps you’ll think less of me for it… but I do know. I’m afraid you never properly understood her, Conway. She was cold on the surface, but that was the result of living here – it had frozen all the warmth. But the warmth was there.”
“To be unfrozen?”
“Yes… that would be one way of putting it.”
“And she’s young, Mallinson – you are so sure of that?”
Mallinson answered softly: “God, yes – she’s just a girl. I was terribly sorry for her, and we were both attracted, I suppose. I don’t see that it’s anything to be ashamed of. In fact in a place like this I should think it’s about the decentest thing that’s ever happened…”