"'All this,monsieur,is not argument;it is the feeling of a soul made vast and hollow by seven years of suffering.Finally,must I make a horrible confession?I shall always feel at my bosom the lips of a child conceived in rapture and joy,and in the belief in happiness,of a child I nursed for seven months,that I shall bear in my womb all the days of my life.If other children should draw their nourishment from me,they would drink in tears mingling with the milk,and turning it sour.I seem a light thing,you regard me as a child--Ah yes!Ihave a child's memory,the memory which returns to us on the verge of the tomb.So,you see,there is not a situation in that beautiful life to which the world and my husband's love want to recall me,which is not a false position,which does not cover a snare or reveal a precipice down which I must fall,torn by pitiless rocks.For five years now I have been wandering in the sandy desert of the future without finding a place convenient to repent in,because my soul is possessed by true repentance.
"'Religion has its answers ready to all this,and I know them by heart.This suffering,these difficulties,are my punishment,she says,and God will give me strength to endure them.This,monsieur,is an argument to certain pious souls gifted with an energy which I have not.I have made my choice between this hell,where God does not forbid my blessing Him,and the hell that awaits me under Count Octave's roof.
"'One word more.If I were still a girl,with the experience I now have,my husband is the man I should choose;but that is the very reason of my refusal.I could not bear to blush before that man.What!
I should be always on my knees,he always standing upright;and if we were to exchange positions,I should scorn him!I will not be better treated by him in consequence of my sin.The angel who might venture under such circumstances on certain liberties which are permissible when both are equally blameless,is not on earth;he dwells in heaven!