"Plague upon the thoughtless fellow! whip up, coachman!" cried Pauline gayly.
But I had already opened the door.
"Excuse me," said I, "I will be with you in a moment." And while saying these words I was so pale that she became pale, too, as if assailed by a dark presentiment.Kostia Petrovitch did not detain me long.After saluting me with ceremonious politeness, he said in a bantering tone:
"Vladimir, faith she is really charming.But I am sorry to say that if your engagement is not broken off before this evening, to-morrow this pretty girl will learn from me who you are."After which, saluting me again, he walked away humming an aria.
"Money, sir, had always appeared to me so small a thing compared with science and glory; and besides, my love for Pauline was so free from alloy, that I had never conceived the idea of informing myself in regard to her fortune, or the dowry which she might bring to me.That evening, as we took tea together in the parlor of my expected father-in-law, I contrived to bring up this important question for consideration, and expressed views of such a selfish character, and displayed such a sordid cupidity, that the old officer at last became indignant.Pauline had a proud soul; she listened to us some time in silence, and then rising, she crushed me with a look of scorn, and, extending her arm, pointed me the door.That devil of a look, sir, I have not forgotten; it has long pursued me, and now I often see it in my dreams.
"Returning home, I tried to kill myself; but so awkwardly that Ifailed.There are some things in which we never succeed the first time.I was prevented from renewing the attempt by the Sequere fatum, which returned to my memory.I said to the floods which beat against my exhausted breast: 'Carry me where you please; you are my masters, I am your slave.'
"And believe me, sir, this unhappy adventure benefited me.It led me to salutary reflection.For the first time I ventured to think, I eradicated from my mind every prejudice which remained there, Itook leave of all chimeras, I saw life and the world as they are, and decided that Heaven is a myth.My manners soon betrayed the effect of the enlightenment of my mind.No more arrogance, no more boasting.I did not divest myself of pride, but it became more tractable and more convenient; it renounced ostentation and vain display; the peacock changed into a man of good breeding.This, sir, is what experience has done for me, assisted by Sequere fatum.