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焦大為什麼不愛林妹妹？
或許是因為魯迅先生講過，賈府也有焦大不愛林妹妹的（魯迅先生或許是講階級問題？），於是，人們便八哥學舌，都說焦大不愛林妹妹。焦大為什麼不愛林妹妹？咱們得分析。
那天，有個名叫石橋的作家找談歌喝酒，酒桌上，不知道怎麼就談起了焦大不愛林妹妹這句話，石先生直搖頭：這話看怎麼說，我就不相信焦大不愛林妹妹。事實上，應該說焦大有自知之明，老焦知道林妹妹看不上自己，也就死了這份心。老焦明白呀，如果他天天上林妹妹那兒去獻花，那林妹妹就要告他性騷擾了。
石橋先生說得有道理啊。
焦大應該是個明白人。明白人從來不做白日夢。按照石橋先生的觀點：焦大並非不愛林妹妹，隻是礙於身份懸殊太大，不敢妄想罷了。按照書中所寫，老焦是一個老同誌了，參加工作早，知道的事情多，立的功勞大。多少年風風雨雨地過來了，如果連這點兒男女破事兒都看不明白，老焦豈不是白活了？可是話講回來，真要把這點男女事兒看明白，也真不是一件容易事。這跟年紀大小沒有關係。八十歲還玩兒“張生跳牆”的，也不乏見。你說他不帶勁，他還挺上癮。人們可能會說，老糊塗了。可是年輕人呢，哪兒都明白，腦筋活，門檻精，可是一摻和上男女事兒，也就變得糊裏糊塗，找不著北了。
講一個笑話，真事。某君是一個普通職員，姓名咱也不提了，姑且稱他是“焦二”吧。焦二不起眼，屬於扔進人堆裏就找不出來的那種。焦二工作也算積極，為人也算本分，日子過得也算安靜。忽一日，單位裏調來了一個漂亮的女子，且這女子有些背景，父親是省裏的一個高級幹部，母親是大學裏的高級教授。還有海外親戚。屬於“留（留過學）忙（有人幫忙）無（無配偶）知（知識分子）”之類。焦二竟然不管天高地厚，強烈而且熱烈地愛上了這個“女紙”。人家愛不愛他，他不管，人家有電沒電，他不問，反正他就是死心塌地愛上了。今天發短信，明天寫情書，人家置之不理；他繼續奮勇前進，趕上了情人節，他就獻花，趕上了雙休日，他就邀請吃飯。這位女子修養好，沒有發脾氣，一概婉拒了；他不屈不撓，繼續升級，上班下班，尾隨追蹤。於是，鬧了一個七葷八素。女子終於憤怒了，把焦二的行為告訴領導了。領導生氣了，這個傻小子不是添亂嘛。領導得出麵啊，於是，個別談話，會上批評，鬧到這般地步，焦二應該止步了才是。可這個焦二真是“二”呀，仍然不知趣，不看眉眼高低，繼續頑固地糾纏，要將他這場過於擰巴的愛情進行到底。人家沒電他繼續來電，人家沒戲他繼續有戲。領導也管不了嘍，就跟這女子說，得，您啊，幹脆上法院告他吧。結果，法院判了，焦二被判了幾年勞教。按說，這個傻小子也是大學畢業，接受過高等教育，如何就傻到這般地步呢？你憑什麼愛上人家呢？現在社會上流行一句傻話：你愛不愛我沒關係，反正我是愛上了你。我愛你不講理，就像老鼠愛大米。說這種話的人果真是瘋癲了。說著玩玩可以，可不能來真的啊！愛從來都是兩個人的事情。兩個人都同意，那叫愛。有一方不同意，這種行為就叫不可能，就叫傻，就叫單相思。說貶損點，就叫沒羞沒臊不要臉。
焦大是賈府的老資格，過去跟賈老爺出過征，流過汗，立過功，從死人堆兒裏背過賈老爺。就憑這種老資格，老焦就敢在賈府裏罵大街。這是老焦倚老賣老，招人不待見。你有老資格算什麼？那是過去，現在你不能吃老本，你得立新功。這算老焦糊塗一回。
可是老焦在愛情問題上，就從來沒有糊塗過。他知道賈府裏這些如花似玉的婦女們，並不是給他準備的，更不是給他享受的。看罷《紅樓夢》全書，老焦從來沒犯過作風問題（或者老焦偷偷到街上的洗頭房泡腳屋去過？可是人家在大觀園裏從來不亂來）。誰都沒見過焦大給大觀園的哪一位丫鬟或者老娘們兒拋過飛眼，或者打電話邀請哪一位出來吃個便飯，或者情人節那天給誰送過鮮花。老焦算是明白透了。如此說，老焦就算是半夜三更睡不著覺，他寧可吃安定，或者拿腦袋撞牆，也絕對不會給林妹妹打騷擾電話。