1.The_other_day_as_I_talked_with_a_friend_I_recalled_a_story_that_I_heard_this_summer:_“A_compassionate_person,_seeing_a_butterfly_struggling_to_free_itself_from_its_cocoon,_and_wanting_to_help,_very_gently_loosened_the_filaments_to_form_an_opening._The_butterfly_was_freed,_emerged_from_the_cocoon,_and_fluttered_about_but_could_not_fly._What_the_compassionate_person_did_not_know_was_that_only_through_the_birth_struggle_can_the_wings_grow_strong_enough_for_flight._Its_shortened_life_was_spent_on_the_ground;_it_never_knew_*******,_never_really_lived.”_
2.I_call_it_learning_to_love_with_an_open_hand._It_is_a_learning_which_has_come_slowly_to_me_and_has_been_wrought_in_the_fires_of_pain_and_in_the_waters_of_patience._I_am_learning_that_I_must_free_the_one_I_love,_for_if_I_clutch_or_cling,_try_to_control,_I_lose_what_I_try_to_hold._
3.If_I_try_to_change_someone_I_love_because_I_feel_I_know_how_that_person_should_be,_I_rob_him_or_her_of_a_precious_right,_the_right_to_take_responsibility_for_one’s_own_life_and_choices_and_way_of_being._Whenever_I_impose_my_wish_or_want_or_try_to_exert_power_over_another,_I_rob_him_or_her_of_the_full_realization_of_growth_and_maturation._I_limit_and_prevent_by_my_act_of_possession,_no_matter_how_kind_my_intention._
4.I_can_limit_and_injure_by_the_kindest_acts_of_protection_or_concern._Over_extended_it_can_say_to_the_other_person_more_eloquently_than_words,_“You_are_unable_to_care_for_yourself;_I_must_take_care_of_you_because_you_are_mine._I_am_responsible_for_you.”_
5.As_I_learn_and_practice_more_and_more,_I_can_say_to_the_one_I_love:_“I_love_you,_I_value_you,_I_respect_you_and_I_trust_that_you_have_the_strength_to_become_all_that_it_is_possible_for_you_to_become—if_I_don’t_get_in_your_way._I_love_you_so_much_that_I_can_set_you_free_to_walk_beside_me_in_joy_and_in_sadness._I_will_share_your_tears_but_I_will_not_ask_you_not_to_cry._I_will_respond_to_your_needs._I_will_care_and_comfort_you,_but_I_will_not_hold_you_up_when_you_can_walk_alone._I_will_stand_ready_to_be_with_you_in_your_grief_and_loneliness_but_I_will_not_take_it_away_from_you._I_will_strive_to_listen_to_your_meaning_as_well_as_your_word,_but_I_shall_not_always_agree._Sometimes_I_will_be_angry_and_when_I_am,_I_will_try_to_tell_you_openly_so_that_I_need_not_hate_our_differences_or_feel_estranged._I_can_not_always_be_with_you_or_hear_what_you_say_for_there_are_times_when_I_must_listen_to_myself_and_care_for_myself,_and_when_that_happens_I_will_be_as_honest_with_you_as_I_can_be.”